I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
