My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
