Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
