he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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