I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm eating all of the evidence.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
