i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
