My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
