Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
