I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
