how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
