i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
