i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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