I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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