Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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