"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
