I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
