The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
