i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
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I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
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This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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