just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
