The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
