Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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