Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
