Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
