So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
