Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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