rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
