So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
