I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
