If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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