I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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