I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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