Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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