dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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