hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
