I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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