We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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