You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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