This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize