It was confusing and full of hummus
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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