Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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