Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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