My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
4 words: hood of his car
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
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