it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
