im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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