i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
