oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
