WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
