Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
