Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
