I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
