i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
