Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
