you traded sex for a burrito?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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