I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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