The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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