Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
