So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
