If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
