Dual....:-)
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We have started to decorate penises.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
