I just cut my nipple shaving
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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