he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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